I have noticed that some doctors are judging me. Probably it was always like that. To hear kind words is uplifting, but it is the nasty comments made by some unkind doctors that stick in my mind. The recent ones have been:
So I have something to say to them.
If you make judgements about me and say unpleasant things there will be consequences. Not for you, you will be ok. I will be the one who will hear echoes of your voice for days, weeks, maybe even years afterwards. It will impact my health. So by saying what you say, you automatically consent to being responsible for causing me to suffer.
Before judging me for how I am coping with my pain (trying to get as much sleep as possible, staying at home, wearing sunglasses…) think about how it is that I am still here. The exit is clearly marked. I could have left long ago. I am still here, still trying to make the best of these defective genes and keep them alive for as long as they will last. I haven’t had any help from doctors to make my life liveable. The things that were treated were things that eventually lead directly to an exit. So I can see that you care about a person remaining alive. But purely existing is not enough. You think of pain as something unpleasant but not life threatening. It is life threatening when it makes a person want to leave willingly, rather than have to bear it. Have you ever thought about what my life is? Be amazed that I am still here. I am in a pit. Please don’t stand there judging. Instead pull me out.
- wears sunglasses, take them off (less light helps reduce migraine pain caused by light)
- does not work therefor must be on benefits (I have never been on benefits. I am supported entirely by my parents. If I had been treated for the pain immediately I would be in university now.)
- sleeps too long/wakes up too late (I am always on time for medical appointments.)
- 'cannot be from Britain because has accent' so must 'tell the truth about origin' (this was really weird to hear. Would like an explanation.
So I have something to say to them.
If you make judgements about me and say unpleasant things there will be consequences. Not for you, you will be ok. I will be the one who will hear echoes of your voice for days, weeks, maybe even years afterwards. It will impact my health. So by saying what you say, you automatically consent to being responsible for causing me to suffer.
Before judging me for how I am coping with my pain (trying to get as much sleep as possible, staying at home, wearing sunglasses…) think about how it is that I am still here. The exit is clearly marked. I could have left long ago. I am still here, still trying to make the best of these defective genes and keep them alive for as long as they will last. I haven’t had any help from doctors to make my life liveable. The things that were treated were things that eventually lead directly to an exit. So I can see that you care about a person remaining alive. But purely existing is not enough. You think of pain as something unpleasant but not life threatening. It is life threatening when it makes a person want to leave willingly, rather than have to bear it. Have you ever thought about what my life is? Be amazed that I am still here. I am in a pit. Please don’t stand there judging. Instead pull me out.
